Reading time: 6 minutes Feb 12th 2014

V-day comes and goes every year. For every single person out there it is yet another reminder that they haven’t met ‘the’ one or ‘a’ one to be with. For some, they don’t care. Being single is the only way that they would have it. For others, getting through the day is the equivalent of water boarding with the difference being when you are being water boarded they give you occasional breaks.

For most of the rest of us, it’s somewhere in between. Now, I have gone through many different phases in considering my ‘single-ality’. I have listened to well meaning friends dispense their advice. I have tried internet dating and heard horror stories and beautiful happy ever after stories. I have experienced blind dates, double dates, been set up with friends of friends and dated plenty. I have listened to many different explanations as to why I am single and heard everything from ‘It’s because you’re you. Don’t be yourself’ (from the very best friends) to ‘it’s your travel schedule’ to ‘you’re too picky, lower your standards’ to ‘your choice in girl is disastrous’.

I’ve countered with ‘I can’t help who I like’, ‘I am who I am’, ‘If it’s worth it I’ll make it work despite my schedule’, ‘My standards need to be high. I want something incredible’ At the end of the day though, philosophising about your single-ality doesn’t really help you much. Instead, you find yourself wasting energy discussing your achilles heel over and over again. So I feel like I’ve come to an enlightening conclusion about it all. Enlightening to me anyway.

Finding someone to be with is a matter of putting yourself out there, meeting people, being prepared to get rejected, remembering your value no matter what and being lucky. And luck does play a part. Just like being successful in the music or movie industry requires talent, contacts and luck, so too finding someone you want to be with who wants to be with you requires talent, contacts and luck.

Talent in this case refers to what you can bring to the relationship table. Your looks, smarts, sense of humour, kindness, strength of character, interests, compassion, sexiness etc. This depends on the person you want to woo. Just like a wannabe rockstar will play music that will only appeal to a particular kind of person or an actor will only fit perfectly for a particular type of role, you will only fit into some peoples romantic ideal. Of course, some people seem better ‘catches’ than others. Wealth helps in general as does Confidence. Being famous or a rugby star or model gives you a big boost. But even then, all the other qualities will determine if something lasts rather than becomes a short term fling.

The thing is, no matter who you are, you have some amazing qualities and those you don’t have you can work on. You can learn to cook or dance or improve whatever talents you do or don’t have. Being able to pick the right kind of song or choose the right kind of role is one of these talents as is learning to choose the right kind of mate.  Finally, continuously making great records once you have made it and continuously performing brilliantly in the roles you get once you get the bigger films is essential… as is keeping the relationship going great and getting better once you’re got the ball rolling.

Contacts for a Rockstar or Actor are the networks that help them get work. They need to build a good relationship with key contacts that will introduce them to the right people and put them in with a chance of getting a break. Someone who is single will stand a far better chance of finding someone if they expand their network and get to know lots more people. The more people they know that have connections with the kind of people that they like, the more likely they will be to come across the right person.

Then we have luck. There are some amazingly talented musicians and actors I know that haven’t made it yet and others that seem quite average that have. Even with the right kind of contacts, you still need that lucky break. To be there at the right time with the right person. That role that came your way just so happens to be in a movie that becomes huge. That record producer just happened to be in the bar you played the gig at and they heard you. For someone who is single, you happen to meet the right person at the right time and both of you are ready and everything falls into place.

I’ve met who I considered were the right people at the wrong time or in the wrong place. To me, that wasn’t my fault. It was just bad luck. These things happen. The key is not to ruminate over them but instead accept that everything might not be in your control but you still have to play the hand you are dealt in the best possible way. And keep playing.

So, what is my point?  My point is simply to those of you that like me are single. If you don’t care, grand. But if you find yourself struggling with it or feeling low know first that you are not alone even if you’re lonely. There are a lot of hearts out there that are still searching to connect. Second, there is really only one solution if you want to be with someone wonderful. It involves the same thing that rockstars and actors have to do.

Recognise and work on your talent so you are in the best place to be in a relationship (That mainly means get to really like yourself). Get out there and build more connections and get to know more people. Finally, realise that luck plays a part and instead of asking the question ‘Why am I alone? Why does no one like me?’ understand that you have to keep moving forward and finally you will get lucky. It’s not about your worth or value or how much of a ‘catch’ you are. A large part of it is just luck. And as the roulette wheel rolls around it will eventually fall on your number. Always remember, even if you are alone on February 14th…. get up all day to get lucky and remember you are a rockstar. And always will be.

Finally here is a special Valentine’s video from me to you. Hope you enjoy!! 🙂 (and like and share :-))

And the song from Daft Punk


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